The Wars We Fight
by blackthornblue
Summary: Magnus walked away from Alec in that hallway, desperately trying to conceal his pain. But once in his apartment with nothing but his thoughts and a widely stocked bar for company, he allows pain to lure him away from reality. Except something, or rather someone, anchors him to the moment... Malec one-shot that takes place after 2x18


Magnus Bane approached the bar in his apartment. It was stocked with an impressive collection of liquor bottles, at which he looked with disdain. It was true that he never refused a drink in a party; in fact, he rather liked the strong sweet taste of alcohol and enjoyed the calming aftermath effect of the substance. But everything had a limit, and insanely-excessive drinking was never a good idea. He ought to know, from experience. And yet here he was, wishing nothing more than to lose himself in the tempting abyss of intoxication. Whiskey on the rocks would be the first step towards the edge, one step nearer to that blissful oblivion; his heartache drink, it had always been.

 _"I can't have both,"_ he had told Alec, for in times of war, one must make difficult decisions, and very often the right decision is the one that hurts the most. Sometimes we must choose others above oneself, above our heart's desire. And so he'd done it. He had chosen others above his own heart.

And hell, how it hurt.

 _Alexander_. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Alec wasn't his first love; Magnus was centuries old and had met many extraordinary people throughout the many years, people that had had an impact on his life. People whose memory would stay with him forever.

He had loved some of those people too.

But never quite like this.

Alec was a Shadowhunter, and that in itself was a first for Magnus; never before had he been romantically involved with Nephilim. He had cared about Shadowhunters, and some of them he would always hold dear to his heart, like James Carstairs, and Will Herondale and his son James Herondale, among others.

Yes, he had cared about them.

But never quite like _this_.

Alec was not his first love, no. But he was his first so many other things. He loved the man more than he remembered ever loving anyone before. He was in love with him, and for the first time, Magnus had allowed himself to hope for more to come from that love. Hope for a life with Alec, hope for a future with him, and hope for whatever that future might bring for them. _Them_ , together, he wished. That was a first too.

The key to having no fear was having nothing to lose, he had told Alec one memorable morning. After almost a hundred years, Magnus had opened up his heart, had allowed himself to feel, and to love. Because he had met Alexander. And Alexander had teared down the walls he had so carefully built around his heart, and now it belonged to him. His heart was his; he was his. And so now, Magnus was vulnerable. He had Alec to lose now. And that terrified him.

 _"What are you afraid of?"_ Alec had asked him, and he hadn't been strong enough to say the words, to tell him that the idea of losing him was unbearable. That losing him would mean to lose himself, and though that scared him, the thought of losing Alec was somehow worse. It terrified him like nothing ever had.

And yet he had walked away from Alec in that hallway, leaving him behind.

 _"You and me, we always seem to find a way back to each other,"_ he heard the familiar soft voice at the back of his mind, and felt a stabbing pain in his chest. Magnus blinked several times, willing the tears that had begun to form in his eyes to go away, and hoped with all his might that Alec, his Alexander, was right. That he hadn't lost him forever and they would somehow find their way back to each other. He was immortal, and powerful, and very much experienced. But an eternal life without _him_ … He didn't believe even all the magic and experience in the world could possibly spare him the misery and pain such a life, if it could be called a life at all, would force him to endure. Immortal or not, Magnus was certain he couldn't survive that.

 _"Magnus, I love you."_ Magnus felt suddenly dizzy, overwhelmed with the memory and emotion, so he gripped the counter in a desperate attempt to anchor himself to reality. He bowed his head and breathed deeply.

He had been so lost to the world that he hadn't heard the door to his apartment open and close, nor did he hear the determined footfalls approaching as a tall figure strode towards him. So when a pair of arms encircled his waist, he was so startled he didn't even jump, but tensed all over, a dangerous flicker of gold flashing across his eyes as the glamour wavered, having gotten caught off guard. When he recognized the strong runed arms around him, he relaxed against the familiarity of the body behind him and let out a sigh of relief.

Then he seemed to finally process the situation and tensed again.

His heart pounded painfully in his chest as he let out the words in a voice that sounded breathless to his own ears. "Alec, what are you do-" he broke off as he felt a soft pressure against his neck. Alec's lips moved over his skin in a controlled desperation, trailing gentle yet urgent kisses along his neck and jawline. His hands moved curiously over Magnus's chest and stomach, and all the warlock would do was remain still, paralyzed. He wasn't used to getting caught off guard, and Alec's sudden appearance, and even more so his uncharacteristically brazen actions, clearly had.

Alec's trembling hands continued moving over Magnus's shirt, over his ribcage, and stomach, and then lower. He pulled at Magnus's dress shirt until it came loose from where it was tucked inside his trousers, and then proceeded to slide his hands underneath to touch bare skin, smooth over taut muscles, all the while pressing wet lips to Magnus's sensitive neck.

Magnus breathed in a ragged breath, and then let it out as slowly as he could. He did this three times, and still his voice came out rough when he spoke. "Alec- Alexander… Stop." Alec's hands hesitated only for a millisecond before shaking fingers began unfastening the buttons on Magnus's shirt. The Shadowhunter's lips immediately met the skin revealed by the absence of cloth as his hands slid the shirt off Magnus's shoulders. He pressed his body against the other man's, and let out an involuntary moan at the contact. At this, Magnus felt the glamour of his eyes slip away like fine glitter escaping through his fingers, and knew he had lost whatever little self-control he thought he had in the beginning. Yet he managed to muster a weak "Stop" that was no louder than a whisper, but was enough for Alec to cease his actions completely.

Alec remained wrapped around Magnus, their bodies pressed together, racing heart thumping against the other's shoulder blade, trembling hands pressed to heaving chest. Magnus felt dizzy again, though the overwhelming feeling was a different one this time. His grip on the counter had been white-knuckled, but he held on tighter still, listening to their mingled panting as the silence dragged on.

Magnus's body was very much alive and burning, and he suddenly wished he had remained silent.

Slowly, excruciatingly so, Alec dragged his hands down Magnus's naked torso, causing a shiver to go through the warlock, and down to rest on Magnus's belt buckle. Magnus thought he was going to black out; he couldn't breathe. He felt Alec's hot breath in his ear as he whispered hoarsely "You don't want me to stop." His belt was unfastened by the time he had said it.

The firmness in his voice surprised Magnus in a way that made his insides burn; it hadn't been a question, but rather a fact. Magnus could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He felt light-headed and hot. Oh, so burning hot. The reasonable part of his mind told him… nothing. Reason was gone, and so was his mind. Not only had he neared the tempting abyss of intoxication, because Alexander was intoxicating in his own magnificent way, he had willingly dived into it. Would there be consequences later? He didn't know, or cared. All he cared about, all he could see, and smell, and think, and feel was Alec.

The dark-haired man thrust his body forward once more, tightening his arms around Magnus in an attempt to bring them closer still, his hands exerting pressure in a dangerous spot just below Magnus's abdomen. The so wanted friction stole a guttural sound from his throat, and unable to stop himself, he repeated the motion again, and again…

Magnus couldn't take it anymore. He let go of the counter only to grab Alec's hands and firmly detach them from his body.

He turned around in Alec's arms and caught a glimpse of his hurt expression just before he kissed him hard on the mouth. After a moment's shock, Alec relaxed against him and returned the kiss with equal fervor, moaning when Magnus reached down to grab the hem of his t-shirt and pull it up and off in one swift motion. Magnus unbuckled Alec's belt, his fingers grazing the skin just above the waistband of his jeans, while thrusting his body forward and upward, causing the Shadowhunter to take a couple of steps backwards in an attempt to regain his balance, only to be met by a solid wall.

Both of them groaned with the friction as their bodies collided with each other. Magnus's mouth worked frantically on Alec's while his body pressed him harder against the wall. His hands came up around Alec to knot in his dark hair, while Alec's fingers dug into his back so hard the skin would most certainly bruise.

Having disengaged themselves from Alec's mouth, Magnus's parted lips hovered over the Shadowhunter's neck, and his hot, humid breath sent goosebumps down his body. Magnus ran his mouth over Alec's Deflect rune, very black in contrast with his light skin, and savoured the tender area, relishing on the taste of salt, adrenaline, and desire, rediscovering that familiar yet exhilaratingly new feeling that overcame him every time Alexander touched him. The Shadowhunter managed to bring their bodies impossibly closer, sliding his hands lower down Magnus's back and beneath the tight material of his trousers.

High Warlock of Brooklyn was no more; title as Head of the New York Institute was forgotten. In this moment, this very real and raw moment, they were just Magnus and Alec, two people desperately in love, and in need of each other.

They were at war, but there would always be war. It was just a matter of choosing which wars to fight, really.

And tonight the only battle being fought was to see who could undress the other faster, hold the other tighter, kiss harder, and love deeper… and no war in the world or history of time could bring them apart.


End file.
